As me and my partner laid in bed the other day, enjoying our last night cuddling, as I was due to leave the next morning for my hometown, I came to a somewhat sad, yet super-human realisation. The realisation was sparked by a thought that, in a twisted sense, led to the understanding of how much we would miss each other. So much enough, that I thought, what if he could turn his new chat GPT assistant’s voice, into my voice? To, maybe, feel less alone? And that perhaps I could do the same? And I realised that a great measure of technology from the beginning of our more advanced, ancient human civilisations, up until this high-tech-era, every feat is being introduced as a form of comfort to us poor, lonely, and docile humans; Sincerely, as a way to connect. Because, I truly believe that what all humans want, is to connect.
From creating social platforms, to personally manufactured robot-partners, to even choosing to live in shitty cities just because there’s more people to choose from and relate to (cause small towns tend to wear us out easily), the world runs on the basic need to satisfy human connection. Even the term “to connect” means to “give passage”, “to enter”, but also, “to bond” which all can be used metaphorically based on being able to enter someone else’s personal ‘exosystem’, and if you’re lucky enough, you could be allowed into their ‘microsystem’.
Though connecting with other people seems and is literally quite facile, as the entire world is out there to meet, and especially through our phones, and computers now, there’s a rise in a great illness; Loneliness. Isolation. A feeling of unpopularity.
Humans require long-term, and pure connection to be able, and hearten themselves with the thought that someone is there for them. Today’s world runs mostly on fast food, fast working individuals, but also, fast-relationships. Relationships that can fit your schedule. Because nothings says like a great friend, as to one who can fit in between your pilates and book club. One who is convenient and available enough. Maybe, they’re someone we don’t really care to see, but they just fit. Did we get that “connection hit” we needed? That should do the trick for socialising on our today’s to-list then, right? We don’t need to see anybody else for another week then, good? And even though this behaviour sounds hypocritically funny, I am seeing online great antisocial behaviour being promoted either through memes, videos, even music? 90s grunge era meets depressed Tik-Tok musical remix, creating an antisocial yet cyber-socially-applauded hybrid teen. I write it down in a way to amuse the reader, but it’s all very heart-breaking.
People deliberately write a small bio (they must withdraw some aspects of themselves, everyone loves to be a mystery) with what they consider their main characteristics, and based off of that, either someone else on their own screen, or -even worse- an algorithm can match you up with them. Don’t go rushing off thinking about dating apps. It’s in every social platform. Creating a profile, adding a picture, and then, lurking around waiting to see what happens. You start to go through apps looking at endless reels (cause every app has some form of a reel, hey Substack, yeah I mean you too), liking reels, commenting on a few, and then you begin to see patterns of people popping up on your feed that are kind-of like you. Hey, do you like movies? Here’s 542,471 people who desperately love movies too! Hey we’re also advertising this app specifically (but paid) to you which is all about movies and people who love movies, join now!". And as a cinephile myself, let’s just say there’s nothing more generic than movies nowadays too. I very rarely ever have good talks about movies anymore. Everybody’s seen everything, on these damned streaming services. Where’s the fun in that? (Read, “MISUSING INDIVIDUALISM” to check out how we’re all becoming the same person)
Anywho, I heard a dear friend of mine mention that in Switzerland, most people need to plan two-weeks ahead to make it to that one coffee date they’ve been looking forward to with that one friend, they thus logically rarely see. I see this evolve into a life without much room for spontaneity. Where are the cafes where you just know you can find your peeps hanging out at, at some time of the day? Though, perhaps they have other friends they meet-up with more frequently, at their own hang-out-cafes, but I can already see this happening with myself, the more I age. Not because I’m so busy though, but because I feel content alone.
I’ve reached a certain point in my life where I don’t need many friends, and I don’t need to see them that often. But, the feeling of loneliness departed from me when I realised that time spent on my own can become creative and beneficial for my own spiritual well-being. But if you rarely see your friends, and you can’t seem to get a productive day out of your seven-day routine, it does sound like a lonely place. Unless, it’s entirely your conscious choice.
In a greater comprehension, that all-is-one, one should never be alone. There are the trees, the seas, the birds, the great-hugging-sky lingering over, they are all you and they also are somewhat granted (for now at least). If someone lives in the city, they may lose out on some natural aspects, but the cities have their own beauty. Until of course you realise that the cities are an oppressor’s wild fantasy come-to-life. If we understood, even in the cities, that we should be one, then loneliness would evaporate in a day. But cities, are built in a way to create individuals, who wish to be independent, and often, who wish to achieve their own “selfish” goals, no matter what. Connection in the cities then, seems like a deliberate plan, that people to use, to get what they want, mostly from other people; This shows us perverse and backward thinking, far from being one. This in fact is the opposite of connection. This perhaps could be why we feel so lonely after-all.
From being surrounded by 100 people, and being surrounded by 100 trees, don’t make me say which I would rather choose…It’s quite, antisocially, obvious. But, I’ve come to understand that humans exist for each other, by each other. If we were meant to be antisocial creatures, we wouldn’t have managed to create the first mumblings of communication. We wouldn’t have felt the need to be in groups. I don’t really think that we would even have the urge to copulate with another. If we were meant to just exist amongst each other, then perhaps trees indeed would be our accepted allies, and each man would live amongst his trees, just reproducing for basic needs their own offspring. And that’s it.
But no, we learned to communicate with each other, and we learned to fulfil each other’s needs together, we saw it was beneficial for all of us to connect. And with time, we also created notions not just of biological logic, but of greater consciousness; Such as care, love, affection, understanding. Did we really have to? I wonder who was the first to have butterflies in their stomach for someone else? To feel inexplicably elated at the presence of someone else? To not be able to even speak when that person is in the room? To fully blush and turn into a watermelon head for a few minutes once they’ve approached you? And from then on, each connection expands every day, and every day further we grow even more empathic and raise our collective consciousness for one another.
We might think that the world has been turning to shit with all the bad news we read nowadays, but bad shit has always been there. We never had access to all these mediums to know what is going on. And we are daily and constantly bummed out to hear another sad story, of another fellow human being. Or, some great tragedy, creating losses, and we pray that nothing like that ever happens again. Not just to us, but to anyone. We simply don’t just connect, we all interlink alas.
Each and every person we have loved, loves someone else, and that someone else, may circle right back to you. Doesn’t that just prove, we are all capable of loving each other, through each other? How is it that the divide of exterior characteristics, financial/societal classes, heck, even the fact if you’re a lakers or a bulls fan, has allowed us to hate each other, and thus, break the connection? In an analogy, my brother had me test the internet the other day at our hotel, by holding a “status” reader. He said, “You have to make sure each light, lights up, without skipping any lights. That would mean the connection is lost”… And I can’t help but think, that when one of us, stops loving someone, we’ve then lost connection instantly. It won’t circle back right. We’ve got to make sure we don’t stop loving, not in fear to lose another person, but in order to not lose ourselves.
Another side of the dime, is being surrounded by those you love, and a mundanity lingers having created relationships that don’t expect much of you anymore. There is an obsession of constantly keeping our eyes fixated on screens, where nowadays entire families prepare and teach children “no-screen” time, in order for them to be able and connect. “Disconnect from your phone, connect with your family”, yet the entire family also has moments where no-one wants to talk to one another. And I’ve found an incredible observation regarding this: A family will go out and sit on their phones, they definitely want each other’s company, meaning they want to feel them near, though also want their own individual privacy at the same time. A co-dependency tendency hidden behind a screen, and a lack of interest to self-explore. If no-one had a phone, whoever wanted to stay and connect with the family would, and whoever wouldn’t, would be up and finding something else to do. I have often felt this happen to me as well. A phone is a comfort when we’re bored, but another person’s company while we’re comforting ourselves as well, seems to me like an… Addiction. A cross-bred dopamine hit, of having a human at arm’s reach when you see a cute-puppy video, and you bend over to show them it, but also enough of a short distance away from them, to shop online as well at the same time. Perhaps, we’re growing addicted to an isolated form of connecting, a yearning of creating a juxtaposition to constantly live in. Being present, but also not being present. Being in company, but also not being in company. Being friendly, but also not being friendly. Aren’t we poetic brutes, after-all?
What’s your take on “connection”? I would love to hear your thoughts below…
And thank you for reading my non-sense as well :)
Athina :::::: Your essays cover many complicated subjects. . . . In each paragraph, you walk your readers through a doorway into a new, eccentrically decorated room.
In 'Connection,' You begin by recounting a pending separation and how it might be handled. You also write about interpersonal relationships in general and how they are formed. Write a little about how our innate 'need' for relationships came from nature and how modern devices now affect these relationships.
In one 'room,' you write about the pluses and minuses of spending time alone.
This is a big building that you walk us through, with many rooms to check out in deeper detail.
Reading your writing, I feel a little like a computer technician who has removed all the tiny silver screws from the back of a 27-year-old laptop, removed the cover, and, on opening, finds an unbelievably complex Motherboard he wants to understand.